Stop and Listen

I have picked up my meditation practice again. I was finding myself very unsettled, anxious and always trying to breathe out negative energy. So I am trying to meditate at least one time a day.

Along with meditating, I have been doing a lot of writing. I have a handful of blogs I have started to script. Most of my blogs take time, and are not written and released in the same day. This is partially due to my need to feel good about what I am sharing, making sure it is relevant, inspiring, helpful to others.

It dawned on me the other day when I was releasing my blog The Struggle is Real that one of our biggest issues in society is our inability to just Stop and Listen. I wrote that blog to share my perspective and experience as a female professional. While I was writing it I realized that it would be easy to understand and relate to if the reader had experienced something similar. If the reader had no conceptualization of the topic they could easily find it irrelevant and move on. The reader could be more aggressive and argue my experience and feelings to fit their narrative.

As humans we tend to take the easy route so will go to the route that fits our natural being. But what if for one minute, we didn't do that, we actually take the time to stop and listen. We invest some time and energy in seeing the different sides and interpretations of a topic.

When it is Relatable

This is not as is easy as we make it. When things are relatable we should still explore the differences we personally had as well as examine why others may find things irrelevant or inaccurate.

By examining our own experience we are able to self-reflect. This allows us to look at the similarities and differences and gain perspective. It also allows us to grow and heal. No experience is the same for every person. We all feel things differently, we all process things differently, we all react differently.

When you Feel it is Irrelevant

I feel like the term irrelevant is a short term answer. The truth is, what may feel irrelevant to us today becomes very relevant to us tomorrow, a week from now, a century later. By choosing to see things as irrelevant, we are choosing ignorance. We are choosing not to see how even though the subject matter does not pertain to us, currently, it may hit home for a friend, a family member, a loved one. By seeing relevance in everything we choose to be educated, we choose to be part of the solution.

If you find someone views your topic as irrelevant, ask them questions or share more details of your story:

• Did you know that I used to find this topic not important in my life?

• Do you know anyone who has experienced this?

• Can you think of anyone that this may happen to?

Discuss their responses and see if you can connect. This is an opportunity to teach and learn from one another.

When you are Dismissive or Argumentative

There are a number of reasons a person will become dismissive and/or argumentative over something. They may not agree with your position or feelings on the topic. They may have a natural tendency to argue anything and everything. There may be an underlying trigger that you are unaware of, can't see or feel. This is where emotion comes into play. When someones emotions are elevated, tension generally increase. This can make them come across as aggressive or disruptive. It can be challenging to also not get emotional when responding to someone who is being dismissive or argumentative. If you find yourself backing away or responding with heightened emotion try:

• Taking a deep breath before speaking. This inserts time and calmness rather than reaction.

• Responding with, "I would love to discuss this with you. This would help me hear and understand different points of view on this subject."

• Ask questions for better understanding.

If a person continues to be aggressive in their response or unwilling to communicate with you rationally, it is okay to say "I would really like to discuss this further with you after I have sometime to think this over, or when we are both in a better place.". Be kind in your request to come back to this discussion later.

And if you catch yourself wanting to react and be dismissive and argumentative take a deep breath and mull on it a little. Figure out what exactly is triggering your reaction and think about the other possibilities with the subject matter. Then have the conversation.

Remember most people have good intent. So in any of these scenarios on either side of the conversation, remember that, it is easier to come from a place of good when you recognize the good intention.