The Struggle is Real

I recognize now, two years later, I am not the only female who has had to choose her sanity over her career. I have also learned in the last two years, observing not only what has occurred in my own life but what is taking place in society, that being a professional female is still more challenging and difficult as it was, if not more so, then 20, 30, 40 years ago.

Interestingly, this was like an A Ha moment for me the other day. For someone reason, I realized that what I have been experiencing in my life through my career and how I got to where I am now has a lot to do with the fact that I am a woman, and a mother.

As a child, I was a tomboy. I loved to climb trees and get dirty. My dad was 18 years older than my mom. He was born in the 30's, part of the Silent Generation. His expectations for his little girls were to be prim and proper. My mom used to sneak me in the woods so I could climb trees. My first experience I can remember where my sex defined what I was 'allowed' to do. I remember telling my dad I wanted to be a race car driver, to which he said no, girls are not race car drivers.

I always thought it was just my dad, and our generational differences until I got to college. I was considering being a science major and interested in pursuing a career in the medical field. I had a counselor tell me that since I wanted to have children in the future that I shouldn't go that route, it will impact me being a mother.

As I worked my way through college, I entered into retail management at very young age (I was a store manager at 20). I found a love for business and leadership so my career and education grew from there. I went from retail management to retirement planning to human resources. I held individual contributor roles and leadership positions, and at every level of my career I experienced or saw first hand inequities between myself and my male counterparts.

My starting salary was significantly less than the guys that were hired to do the same job and started the same day I did (entry level job working in the same location, nothing to warrant different salaries). I remember concealing my pregnancy when I was interviewing for a promotion in fear I would get turned down for the position because I was expecting. Doing salary and promotion calibrations and seeing the disparity just in my department between males and females. Move along in my career when I am in HR and noticing hiring managers hiring women at salaries significantly lower then the men they are hiring. Then when you speak up about the disparity and try to correct it you get told the reason they are being paid lower is because they can't work overtime because they have to leave everyday to pick up their kids. The fights I would get in with leaders to add more women to the leadership team, or hire a candidate that was not a white male, the shit that would come out of their mouths was just fucking unbelievable.

If you have been in this position, you probably know where this goes next and how it feels. If not, pay attention. You work harder. You work longer. You sacrifice your life for you career because you are not seen as equal. Mind you, all the men you work with have children but some how they are seen as more valuable and able to do more. They are not 'required' to do it all or be dads the way we are 'required' to be moms. You go....go....go....until you can't go anymore. Hello Wall!

Crash, something has to come to an end, your career, your marriage, your hobbies. In my case I walked away from my career.

I was exhausted. I did not realize how much fighting I was doing. I fought to prove I was good enough. I fought to have my voice heard. I fought to make sure people were being treated fairly and just. I fought to make sure my employees were taken care of. I was fighting to prove my worth, my intelligence, my abilities everyday. I was doing all of this while also being a mother (a job that is equivalent to working two full time jobs). And guess what the mom switch never turns off, ever. There were many days that I was juggling, doctors appointments, sports, school activities, homework, managing the household, while also working 40-60 hours a week and attending grad school (somewhere in there I managed to squeeze in exercise and sleep). I am not even a single parent and I only have one child, so imagine the women out there who are single parents and raising multiple kids while trying to pursue their career ambitions.

Here is the kicker, not only are we juggling career, family, and life we are a target of sexual harassment. In February of 2018, NPR published an article about a survey that showed 81% of women have been sexually harassed (https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/21/587671849/a-new-survey-finds-eighty-percent-of-women-have-experienced-sexual-harassment). The sad part is that is only those women who have shared that they have been subjected to it. It would not surprise me if it is ever concluded that 100% of females have been subjected to some form of sexual harassment and/or sexual crime in their lifetime. Some of us just never say anything, we sweep it under the rug and move on.

So guys, next time your wife has to travel for work don't make her feel insignificant or a lesser person because she has to leave for a few days. Don't give her a hard time because you have to manage without her while she is gone. Next time your employee has to leave early to pick up a sick child, don't hold it against her at year end when it is time to do promotions and raises, she still busts her ass everyday for you, and most likely went home that same day and worked into the late hours of the night to make up for the time she needed to use to tend to her family. And when your daughter comes home and tells you how she was treated by a co-worker don't tell her it didn't happen or to just ignore it. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

And ladies,remember diamonds are formed from immense heat and pressure that are carried to the earths surface from volcanic eruptions. Don't let anyone steal your brilliance, and support each other for our strength and resilience.