Stop Trying to Be Perfect - Start Focusing on Improvement

We all do it. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Have the perfect life. Raise perfect kids. Be perfect in our endeavors. Who the fuck do we think we are? Robots, machines, super human?

I will be the first to admit I do this to myself all the time. For example, I am trying to learn how to use TikTok. I enjoy watching videos on this platform. I find people are raw and real in their clips. And it is fun! I have made two TikTok's so far. Yeah 2. You know why it is only two? Because every time I record one I look at it and think you are an idiot, this is all wrong, you sound stupid or weird. So I am contradicting my why TikTok is a great platform with my own need to appear perfect. I am not fucking perfect, I would hate to be perfect, so why am I so worried about making the perfect TikTok?

It really has nothing to do with being perfect and more to do with what society will think. You are to old for TikTok, your voice is annoying, are your eyes really that color? This is what happens when we get in our own head. We tell ourselves we are not good enough, that no one cares what we have to say, that we are not important. This leads us to wanting to be perfect so we obsess about how imperfect we are and don't do what we really want to do, make a damn TikTok.

Kim Collins has it right, strive for continuous improvement. Instead of trying to be perfect creating a TikTok, just try to get better with each new clip you make. Instead of beating yourself up for making a mistake yesterday, learn from it, figure out how you will own not letting it happen again, become a better person from it and grow. And remember that awful thing you did when you were 16 years old? Yes that one. Instead of burying it deep down inside and pretending like it never happened, own it, tell your story, what you did, how you learned from it, how you continue to learn and grow from it. Why? Because at the end of the day, your imperfections have built you, they should make you self-aware, more thoughtful and empathetic. They should teach you not to judge and be more accepting.

There are other reasons why you should shift your mindset to continuous improvement rather than focusing on perfection.

It is healthier - When we focus our attention on continuous improvement we are allowing ourselves to be open to learning, growing and becoming a better person. We are more likely to meet our goals as we are more willing to adapt and be flexible in achieving them. When we focus on being perfect we close ourselves off. Our attention is devoted to our idea of perfection and we hold on to it, even if it shuts us down.

What perfect means to you, is not what perfect means to me - If your idea of a perfect vacation is going on a Caribbean Cruise for a week, that is awesome for you. For me however, I get seasick, so my perfect vacation is somewhere on a beach. And it is okay that our ideas of perfect are different, we are after all different people. The disconnect we have is our visual idea of perfect without consideration of our definition of perfect. For instance, a friend of mine from high school is very successful in his career, has a gorgeous wife and beautiful children. They live in an amazing home and drive nice cars and when they vacation the pictures speak a thousand words. I can't tell you how many times I have made a comment about their perfect life. But do I really know if it is perfect? I mean sure it looks pretty perfect, but I am not there, for all I know it is a facade. Behind closed doors they could hate each other, be in debt up to their eyeballs, and be complete assholes. But they are none of those things. So go back to this visual, and insert yourself in it. Is it really what would be perfect for you? I beat it isn't, I beat there may be a little envy or some things you desire in that image, but it is still not your definition of perfection. And next time you catch yourself wishing for the perfection you see in another, stop what you are doing, refocus your attention on yourself, your goals, and how you are improving.

Imagine how boring it would be if we were all perfect - All I can envision is a world were everyone is the same. We look the same, we sound the same, we act the same. I am bored already. Embrace your imperfections, they bring diversity to this world.

You would never feel failure, let alone learn from it - Some of you would be okay with this, but failure is part of our learning process. I will go deeper in to the beauty of failure in a later blog. For now, I will focus on this. Failing is not a bad thing. Failing teaches us how to not do something. It teaches us about ourselves, what we are good at, what we need to work on, how we handle adversity. We need to fail to improve. We need to fail so we know were to focus our energy.

There is beauty in imperfection - Some people would say wrinkles on your face are imperfections to your skin. The wrinkles on my face are around my eyes and mouth, because I smile a lot. The ones on my forehead, those come from all the years playing outdoor volleyball and my odd ability to move my eyebrows. My wrinkles are a product of living a happy life doing the things I love. That is beauty in its greatest form. My wrinkles are not imperfections, they are tattoos of my life lived.

Perfection is like coming to an end of a dead end road. There is no where else to go except backwards. Continuous improvement is never ending. As long as we hold ourselves accountable to growth we will improve everyday.

---

Disclaimer

If your imperfections have cruel or malicious intent, or cause harm to yourself or others reach out for help. If you want to change and grow there are people who can and will help.